I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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