Girls should come with a carfax report
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
