Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
