Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
