well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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