He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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