remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
