Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you will always have a special place in my vag
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
