I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
