If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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