could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
