So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
