i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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