Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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