I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
