my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
