Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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