Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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