i don't like sucking hair
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
