He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
