I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
