and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
