you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
