I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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