oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
