What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
