My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
