when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
