I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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