too bad you live with your parents still
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
