I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
