my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
