2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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