At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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