Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
