Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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