Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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