I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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