i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
