i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
