As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
