i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
