so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
