I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
