I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
