Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
