I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
organizing the empties. That sober.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
