She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
