I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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