I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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