I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
