Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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