just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
