you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
