we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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