Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
