I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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